These are some of the questions which have come up most frequently amongst our readers and at the 21 Conventions across the world. The answers provided are primarily from professional dating coaches.
Q: I feel like I take life too seriously most of the time and this really messes me up. However when I try to lighten up I make mistakes and feel like I’m acting like a jerk. Where am I going wrong?
A: Maybe you should allow yourself to play more, without expecting a perfect result each time. Let out your “inner child”, be authentic and stop judging yourself. If you feel you are inconsistent, that’s okay. Allow yourself to be inconsistent at times.
Q: While I’m in conferences and conventions I feel totally motivated and full of the right sort of energy, but then after a days or weeks I peter out. How can I keep my momentum?
A: Firstly, sit down tonight and write down everything you are going to do. Stick to it. Give yourself a goal and decide where you want to be in 3-6 months. Also, pick 3 evenings a week to go out and stick to them no matter how you feel. Keep working at it. You will learn a lot trying to pick someone up when you are not in a prime emotional state. Embrace all emotions. Don’t shy away from pain. Live all of life’s emotions to the fullest.
Q: Is it possible to learn everything from e-books, online courses and videos or is it absolutely necessity to have a mentor.
A: Not everyone amongst the dating experts has had a mentor. The important thing isn’t really whether you have a mentor or not but for you to understand that anyone can be your mentor, in the sense that you should become an observer and learn from anyone and everyone you hang out with. That’s when things can really start to skyrocket for you.
Also its very important that you learn to rely on yourself. You will soon realize that you don’t need a mentor. A Mentor can give you plenty of information, but until you start acting on that information you will not learn it; it won’t become part of your personality. Lastly, the greatest seduction teachers in the world are women. Take what you have learned so far and bring it to them – they will sort you out!
Q: Is it easier to pick up women in your own country or when you are travelling?
A: Travelling is good because it’s a learning experience in itself, and because it puts you in a setting where your will feel less embarrassed to try out your ‘new self’. A traveler has a special energy about him and you can use that to your advantage. On the other hand you know the culture and language of the people in your own country so that makes seduction easier.
Q: What do I do if I’ve been travelling and have made a big shift in my life but the minute I get back home all my old habits creep back up on me?
A: Take responsibility for it. If it happens it’s because you’re allowing it to happen. You can be physically back home but decide to totally change your habits. Don’t fall back into your usual routine – start sleeping on the other side of the bed. Start going to new places and doing new things. Get curious and stay in charge.
Q: Where should I go to meet beautiful women?
A: Well obviously the first thing place that comes to mind is nightclubs, because that whole industry is totally geared to getting as many beautiful women as possible into their club. But you could also get into the university scene and possibly start organizing parties, even if you are not a student. What kind of women do you like? If you want women that like rock music then go to rock concerts. If you like women that are very fit, go to the gym. Surely you want women that you share interests with, so start hanging out in places where they do the kinds of things that you most enjoy.
Q: What should I do if I know all the theory and end up for months just clubbing and going home alone and drunk and feeling like a loser?
A: Build up you social circle, get away from the f*cking computer and get a real life! Firstly, build up a group of six people made up of three men and three women. These women are your friends – you are not allowed to sleep with them! Carefully pick your pals in places where people do the kinds of things you enjoy doing. Then start throwing parties. Each of your friends must bring one new person with them at each party. Make it casual, get the punch ready, enjoy yourself, and be kind and considerate. With this method you should be able to build a social circle within 6 months.
Q: How do I get around the whole social media hurdle?
A: You don’t! It’s here to stay! Learn some basic texting skills because it will make your life a lot easier to just know what, when and how to message her so that it works FOR you instead of against you.
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