The bummer about picking up women is that you know that you’re a really nice guy, but when you are standing in front of a really cute girl you feel totally awkward and end up acting like a jerk. Because of that she gives you the brushoff and your failure increases you anxiety, so next time round your nerves get the better of you and you end up making an even bigger fool of yourself. At some point you will have to snap out of your negative spiral or run the risk of potentially never having sex again. It’s that simple.
Overcoming anxiety starts from Understanding your Motivation
Women sense fear and dishonesty a mile away. They are able to pick things up about you that you don’t even know about yourself, so before you go out and try picking women up, ask yourself if you are honestly and sincerely interested in connecting with a woman, or of you are just trying to screw her to put another notch on your belt (probably because you feel insecure or because you want to take revenge on women in general after a bust relationship). If you’re absolutely sure that you are in a proper emotional condition to start a relationship, then take the focus off measuring your personal worth by the quantity and quality of babes you pick up. GET CURIOUS. Do not automatically presume that she is a fantastic chick and that you’re going to screw things up as soon as you start talking to her. You may just discover that she’s not your type at all or you may discover that she’s incredibly easy to talk to. Just go over there and find out what’ll happen when the two of you interact. Whatever happens is fine.
Finding out the Truth
This focus shift is incredibly useful. Remember, you are no longer measuring your worth as a person based on your success at getting some chick’s phone number. You know you are a worthy person, all you need to do is stop judging yourself by your results. It could be that she brushes you off. So what?! Maybe she’s a cow anyway and you actually realise you want nothing to do with her. Maybe in the process you have discovered something new about yourself, about men in general, about women or about male-female interaction. Either way, you will have learned something. Bottom line is that you will realise that there’s nothing to be anxious about if you’re not expecting anything except to find out what that encounter is going to bring you.
Focusing on Categories of Behavior
Being curious doesn’t mean you have to be aimless. Aimlessness will get you into the “friend zone” before you even know what’s hit you! Your goal is to meet a woman you like and possibly even get her in bed that night or after a few dates. Maybe you are also open to the idea of falling in love with someone, so even though your motivation must be to find out what each situation has to teach you, your objective is to appropriately display an attractive self and, if you want it, get laid. You will do this by acknowledging your sexual drive, showing your creative self, making an emotional connection and displaying your ability of getting her comfortably over the awkward moments that arise when things move foreward.
Displaying sexual drive
Women are not stupid. Of course they know that if you are standing there in front of them doing your best to be likeable it’s because you find them sexually attractive. Don’t pretend that your sex drive doesn’t exist. If you’re cool about it, they will also be cool about it. Women like to know that you find them sexually attractive and this is part of any normal interaction between men and women. How direct you want to be about it is up to you. Don’t be scared about expressing the way you feel, but take the edge off it by being playful or funny over it.
Displaying your Creative Self
If the initial appeal stems from a physical and sexual attraction, this has to be balanced right in the beginning by displaying “inspiration”. Rob Judge says that when you are displaying inspiration you are actually accessing your creativity. All people have a witty and deep side to them. What you must display is that, even though you find her sexually attractive, it’s only the first step and that you are also really interested in her as a person. At the same time you are comfortable enough about yourself and about the situation, to be able to speak openly and honestly about yourself.
Making a Connection
Don’t ask her a bunch of boring questions about her job, where she lives, what her hobbies are etc. To connect you must get her to talk about something which elicits a strong emotion for her and then relate and connect on that. Try steer the conversation towards totally embarrassing moments, crazy fun times drinking with friends, adolescent sexual experiences etc. She will begin to build trust in you if she finds you emotionally stable and capable of understanding where she is coming from.
Displaying ability in getting her over the hurdles
Women like men who know what they are doing but that are not arrogant. As the interaction progresses, there is bound to be friction and awkward moments. Your ability to ease her out of awkwardness will put you in an “alpha male” status in her eyes. Dating advice literature can be very useful here as it just gives practical advice on “hurdle jumping”.
Charisma is not easy, it’s bloody hard! The good news is that you can cheat a little if you build things up by texting between dates. Have a look at Rob Judge and Bobby Rio’s online training material.