Though it can be monumental to even secure the first date, it doesn’t matter much until it becomes more than that. During the first date, both parties put on a good show. Neither are being completely open, totally honest, or doing anything less than an Oscar-worthy performance. It can be quite the production to attempt to secure a second date while navigating unclear territory with someone you’ve just met and think you’d like to know better. First impressions are lasting impressions, and much as people would love to get second chances, that first impact doesn’t ever truly go away. If you have given the best shot you have at that first date, the second might be tricky.
Here’s some pointers so you can live up to some lofty expectations on the second date. The first point to make concerns the very thing that this blog and all the blog posts revolve around. People, technology, and how they’re tied inextricably together. This article on human behavior is a great read, and worth reading between the lines. It covers a very popular restaurant that was concerned that their service and quality had dropped, and decided to study why. The results will really surprise you and will also shed a good deal of light onto a second date scenario.
If you MUST bring your phone, turn it off, or keep it completely silent. No vibrations, that’s a no go either unless you’re a Doctor, emergency worker, EMS, etc. If that is the case, inform your date before it starts that you might get interrupted due to being “on call”. She will appreciate knowing before-hand, instead of after the interruption and being asked to wait while you handle it. Women aren’t the most patient of creatures and prone to jumping to conclusions when they’re uncomfortable, anxious or uncertain. All of which will likely be present on a second date if you’ve done things well. Nobody knows what to expect at this point, but that’s the exciting part. Feeling nerves, and that strange sensation as you get ready to meet your date for the second time are feelings that just don’t come along very often.
By stowing the phone, you eliminate the very thing that the article speaks to at it’s core. Having it out creates a bubble of safety for both parties, where each person can escape into their own little world for moments at a time. Whether it’s being used to take photos of their meal, or update a social media status, it’s really being used as a barrier. The only place for a cell phone on a date, is to take a picture of yourselves (at her request) before you enter the restaurant, or movie theatre, or wherever you’ve chosen to go.
Another tip: Even if the second date destination is a surprise, and you really want to see a childlike glee on her face, you’ll still want her to dress for the occasion, so give her a heads up. This might be a rather extreme example but… if you take her to a paintball arena, you might want to let her know she’ll need some overalls and an “around-the-house” t-shirt. A general idea works, but you don’t want that awkward moment where one of you is overdressed, and the other casual, it doesn’t go away through the date, and can be seen as a fault in the designing of the date.
This one is old, and it has a lot of history for a good reason. Unless you’re dating an ultra feminist, and you should be able to answer that one after the first date, get her flowers. For bonus points, if you know where she works, or if you’ve met through mutual friends, surreptitiously find out what her favorite colors are, or even get more specific and find her favorite flowers. Most grocers carry a bouquet that is pre-made if you’re in a hurry, or in a pinch, but there tend to be florists that are close by no matter where you are. Even better are wildflowers that you’ve picked yourself along the sidewalk, or along a trail. You can wind a dandelion stem, or another thin flower stem around the stalks to make them stay together, and tie it in a knot. Ladies like effort, and nothing shows more than this. If you’ve taken the time to either pick them yourself, find out what kind she likes, or at a minimum, what her favorite colors are, you’ve gone a long way toward making a successful second date already.
Be creative. During the first date, if you’ve let her talk about herself (which is always a good thing) you should already have a good feel for what she likes. Even if she’s been a bit more daring in her claims about what she’s into, to try to impress you for instance, it’s a sure bet that you’ll still do well to give her what she mentioned. If she claims to like bungee jumping because a few sentences back you mentioned you go every chance you get, but she’s never been… you have some serious goodies in store. For one thing, you get to give her a “first” time. She might be nervous and scared, but you get to be the rock she can lean on, the one to soothe her and show her that it’s a great time. Further, you’ve shown without saying so, that you listened to her, and value what she likes to do also, and are trying to find common ground. She’ll also notice that you called her out on her bravery, and women have been shown throughout history to go for the strong guys. Find something interesting to do. Dinner out and a movie can be enjoyable, but it’s typical. The whole point here is to not be typical.
It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be dinner. Consider taking her to a local park for a picnic during the afternoon on a weekend, or arrange to see her at her lunch break at work. As mentioned before, effort goes a very long way toward impressing a woman, and a blanket on the grass, with a picnic basket full of things she loves will certainly be that effort. You can even bait the first date with questions that seem harmless about what sorts of things she likes to eat, where she likes to go recreationally… you can lead it the direction you want it to go, while allowing her to speak volumes about herself and cause her to feel important and special, particularly when you remember these things and incorporate them into the second date.
Magnetic Messaging works great between the dates, but it’s all up to you to cement the bond yourself during them.